If you never tried therapy here’s what to expect

I can only talk about my experience of one year of therapy. To start with it was both good and annoying. Like I want to get help, and at the same time I don’t want to be helped with everything. 

I was happy to be invited to talk about myself freely, and be listened to without interruptions and judgment. That sounds good in the beginning, but as I got along with my therapist and got deeper, I started to feel like there is now more pressure on me to be a better person for my therapist.

First, I was going through depression, so I behaved like a depressed person does. I isolated myself most of the time, slept a lot, avoided food because I wasn’t craving it, and I was a lazy person who hated exercising.

In the beginning I got therapy for a trauma that I had, which I don’t want to explain a lot, because it will take so long. I felt better with the treatment. I felt like I can let go of the past, and move on feeling proud of myself.

My therapy lasted only a year or less, because I decided that I don’t need it anymore. Plus, it was costing me a lot financially, and the clinic was a bit far from where I lived. I don’t mean that everyone should stop receiving therapy immediately. How each person progresses with therapy is different.

I needed a lot of help and maybe I still do, but I don’t want all the help. I want to be able to get better by myself, and I don’t want to get pressure from others to recover fast. I needed to have my time taking the little right steps to recovery.

With therapy I got pressure to be more social when I actually want to be alone. To sleep less when I have no energy and no motivation at all to get out of my bed, and to exhaust myself with exercises everyday that didn’t help my adrenalin nor my serotonin nor other happy hormones that I clinically lack. 

I had to do so much to make my therapist proud of me when I felt like doing nothing, because of how much depressed I was. The truth is no one understands what it means to be severely depressed unless you have been depressed like me too. I had conversations with patients and doctors, and felt more understood by patients than doctors.

The thing that some therapists don’t understand is that we need to take our time to recover. It doesn’t happen in one day or one night, and some of us failed trying to do everything that could help us. That’s why we ask for their help, because we’re lost.

I’m not against therapy. I’m against the pressure we receive from therapists. Maybe that was only my therapist, not every therapist, because I only tried therapy once. I would actually try therapy again if I needed to, but for now I’m doing well.

Nowadays I’m not the isolated, lazy, and starving person I used to be. I moved on with my life. I got out of my bed, I’m seeing my friends and family more, I exercise, and eat well. It turned out just like I thought that I just needed to take my time to get back to my energy. 

Getting therapy is a luxury unfortunately. Getting help from others should be free. I feel bad for those who can’t afford it. We need to make sure that more people are smiling despite their financial situation. I don’t know exactly how, but it should happen. 

If you are suffering mentally, do everything you can to recover. Don’t forget it could take time, but time will eventually heal.

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3 thoughts on “If you never tried therapy here’s what to expect

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